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Can counselling help us move forward post-separation?
If you are thinking about separating or are already separated and want to work on having a dialogue and healthy relationship, there are options available to you, which could allow you and your partner (or ex-partner) to meet your goals. One of these options is counselling or therapy. Many people are afraid to go to counselling, and quite frankly, who can blame them? There are a lot of myths surrounding counselling, but this information will give you a better idea of what it can provide, and how it can help your family move forward.
I just want to improve my relationship, not lie on a sofa and discuss my childhood
There are a great many misconceptions about what happens in therapy. You may be looking for an expert to help you and your partner communicate more effectively, but you might be afraid that the therapist will go digging into your childhood, or bring up unresolved issues that only make your relationship worse. These are justifiable fears; after all, that is how the media portrays therapy. However, the reality can and often is quite different.
A skilled therapist will often let you lead the way; it’s about making your life better, and meeting your goals. In this way, the therapist is more of a facilitator than anything else; they are there to guide you and your loved ones in reaching the goals that you have set. There are many different options for therapy as well; for instance, you can see the therapist alone, as a couple, or even as a whole family. There are pros and cons for each of the options, and it may be useful to switch between them, based on your requirements. Ultimately, these can be discussed with your therapist, but here are some pointers, which may help you make your decision.
If you and your partner are on the verge of separating but still want to work on your relationship, then couples counselling will greatly benefit you both. In short, couples therapy can help you both uncover what is causing the tension (because it may not be what you think), and provide you with strategies to move forward. If you have decided on separation and want to make sure your family stays connected, or are having problems with your children coming to terms with the separation, then family counselling may be the best option for you. Children can be incredibly insightful into problems at home, and can often help address issues that have caused problems between parents or the parent-child relationship.
A skilled therapist will often let you lead the way; it’s about making your life better, and meeting your goals. In this way, the therapist is more of a facilitator than anything else; they are there to guide you and your loved ones in reaching the goals that you have set. There are many different options for therapy as well; for instance, you can see the therapist alone, as a couple, or even as a whole family. There are pros and cons for each of the options, and it may be useful to switch between them, based on your requirements. Ultimately, these can be discussed with your therapist, but here are some pointers, which may help you make your decision.
If you and your partner are on the verge of separating but still want to work on your relationship, then couples counselling will greatly benefit you both. In short, couples therapy can help you both uncover what is causing the tension (because it may not be what you think), and provide you with strategies to move forward. If you have decided on separation and want to make sure your family stays connected, or are having problems with your children coming to terms with the separation, then family counselling may be the best option for you. Children can be incredibly insightful into problems at home, and can often help address issues that have caused problems between parents or the parent-child relationship.
I just want to have one conversation with my ex-partner without arguing, but I don’t want to spend two years dragging out our feelings to a therapist
Gone are the days where the only option for couples was to have you sit on a sofa for years and talk about your dreams. Would it surprise you to know that some couples therapy can be completed in as few as four to six sessions? The important thing to bear in mind here is that therapists no longer solely focus on treating the problem like it is something wrong with you or your partner (or ex-partner), nor do they necessarily have to spend years getting to the reason why you have something wrong with you. Many therapists will instead focus on finding a solution to your current problems, and work with you and your partner (or ex-partner) to get to where you want to be.
What if the therapist picks sides?
A therapist is, in many ways, like a moderator. They are there to observe, listen, show non-judgement compassion, and help you both improve your relationship, if that is your intended goal. Sometimes a therapist will focus on one person’s point of view to highlight something, but they will also come back to a neutral, helping position. Therapists should not ever pick sides, and if you or your partner (or ex-partner) tries to draw them onto their side, the therapist should have the skills to anticipate this and avoid it. A therapist is not there to judge, so you should feel free to discuss your feelings openly and honestly, and you should never be concerned that being honest will make the therapist prefer your partner (or ex-partner). They are professionals, and their job is to improve your wellbeing.
What is the difference between a counsellor, psychologist and psychiatrist?
You might very well wonder why a psychologist is more expensive than a counsellor and covered by Medicare. Or how about how many years of education they each have had. Is one just simply ‘better’ for you than the other? The simple answer is this: the quality and the style of therapy that the therapist will provide will differ from individual to individual, perhaps more so than the title they use. However, the broad differences between them can almost be seen as a hierarchy. At the end of the day, it is understandable that you have neither the time nor the inclination to find out the difference between them – why should you? After all, when you go to a doctor, you don’t worry about finding the right specialist to whom they refer you accordingly.
First thing is first, regardless of the title, you should make sure that your therapist is chartered by an appropriate organisation; this assures some degree of quality and compliance to an ethical code. For example, anyone can call themselves a counsellor, because it is not a protected term, but those affiliated with an organisation are required to undergo specific training. Generally, a counsellor is at the bottom of the ladder, and tends to be a more cost-effective option, but please don’t view this ladder in terms of quality, but rather severity of the case. For instance, a counsellor might deal with people with everyday issues, such as anxiety, depression, grief, addictions and separation. They tend to be people-centred. A psychologist is a legally protected term in Australia; they have to undergo a very strict training program laid out by a governing body, and are driven by the scientific method. The knowledge that the psychologist has will be high, but their people skills may be highly variable, depending on the individual. A psychologist is expected to look for underlying conditions, and can be said to treat more severe cases, though they are in no way limited to severe cases, and often take on day-to-day issues. Hence, this is why a psychologist is paid more and is covered by Medicare. A psychiatrist is the person at the top of this ladder; they are medical professionals who can prescribe medication and are often in communication with all types of therapists and medical doctors. Psychiatrists will have a medical model approach, and often deal with highly difficult and complex cases, such as people suffering from severe mental and personality disorders. However, like all the therapists, psychiatrists’ people skills can vary from individual to individual.
First thing is first, regardless of the title, you should make sure that your therapist is chartered by an appropriate organisation; this assures some degree of quality and compliance to an ethical code. For example, anyone can call themselves a counsellor, because it is not a protected term, but those affiliated with an organisation are required to undergo specific training. Generally, a counsellor is at the bottom of the ladder, and tends to be a more cost-effective option, but please don’t view this ladder in terms of quality, but rather severity of the case. For instance, a counsellor might deal with people with everyday issues, such as anxiety, depression, grief, addictions and separation. They tend to be people-centred. A psychologist is a legally protected term in Australia; they have to undergo a very strict training program laid out by a governing body, and are driven by the scientific method. The knowledge that the psychologist has will be high, but their people skills may be highly variable, depending on the individual. A psychologist is expected to look for underlying conditions, and can be said to treat more severe cases, though they are in no way limited to severe cases, and often take on day-to-day issues. Hence, this is why a psychologist is paid more and is covered by Medicare. A psychiatrist is the person at the top of this ladder; they are medical professionals who can prescribe medication and are often in communication with all types of therapists and medical doctors. Psychiatrists will have a medical model approach, and often deal with highly difficult and complex cases, such as people suffering from severe mental and personality disorders. However, like all the therapists, psychiatrists’ people skills can vary from individual to individual.
Summary
Therapy has come a long way since the days of Sigmund Freud, and can offer you and your partner (or ex-partner) the help that you need to reach your desired goals, whether that be better communication, a child who can accept separation, or simply an amicable post-separation relationship. You have a great deal of freedom and control over your sessions, and the therapist is there to help empower you and your family.
More Information on Counselling & Therapy Relating to Separation & Divorce
- Why have we grown apart? My partner just does not seem to understand what I need from them
- How will my children be affected by our separation? Solutions for children acting out or siding with one parent
- Is your extended family driving a wedge between you and your partner?
- Why do we always fight? Are you sure that you do?
- Separation and communication: Are you growing apart, but afraid to speak out?
- Adapting to children entering and leaving the family
- Can counselling help us move forward post-separation?
- Why does separation hurt so much? Why do I feel differently towards my partner?
- Domestic violence: What is it, what can we do about it, and how to get through it
- Infidelity: Why did my partner cheat? Can our relationship be saved?
- Contemplating separation? Will a trial separation help or hinder?
More Information on Mediation & Family Dispute Resolution
- Family Dispute Resolution
- Parenting Plans
- Financial Agreements
- Child-Inclusive Mediation
- Section 60I Certificates
- Child Support
- Child Support Calculator
- De Facto Relationships & Separation
- Divorce & Mediation
- Grandparents & Mediation for Grandchildren
- Parenting Plan & Draft Consent Orders for Children
- Property Settlement at Mediation
- Mediation & Domestic Violence
- Relocation & Overseas Travel with a Child
- Going to the Family Court versus Mediation
- Family Dispute Resolution & Mediation
- Child Support & Mediation
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DISCLAIMER: The information contained on this website is for general guidance only. No person should act or refrain from acting on the basis of this information. Professional counselling or therapy or psychology advice should be sought based upon your particular circumstances.
